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So this movie kinda blew my mind…. I wasn’t sure what to do for this project and how to react to any of this. The movie made me feel as though I was being hypnotized and I was confused. There was nothing to look at other than the screen and the screen had many things going on…. I was confused by a lot of the content in the movie and it would introduce many different voices and different circumstances that they believed was all controlled by thought. For this project I made a pin wheel type hypnotic wheel to represent both some concepts from the movie, the way I was feeling during the movie (hypnotized), and the fact that sometimes in life we are brainwashed to believe that things can only be one way and in this world… that is definitely not the case.1354576730845

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Fear

Originally when given the assignment I thought about what I was afraid of. Right of the back I thought of haunted houses. And then I thought “Other than that I don’t really have any fears.” I’m not afraid of heights, or spiders, or the dark, or clowns. The more the assignment progressed and the time came to think of a project I was trying to think of what I could do to simulate a haunted house experience. I was drawing blanks. It made me nervous to think of not doing the assignment simply because I couldn’t think of anything. That was a fear. Not a large dramatic phobia, but I fear not doing well in school. I fear this not because of the normal resonses as to why others would. I fear not doing well in school, because I’ve always done well in school as a defense. School was what I leaned on growing up. I excelled in elemtary to try to get attention, however my brother was not very good at school and recieved more attention to get better. At the time I didn’t realise what I was doing. I just assumed that you were supposed to always come home and do all your homework, double-check it and play in free time. But I did it for recognition. I don’t really do that much anymore but I am expected from everyone else and myself to graduate. And I expect to graduate with above a 3.0.  But I realise that fears don’t have to be typical or popular to be fears. I have always been afraid of loss. And this past summer that was brought to my attention even more, because Sam was the first person I had ever lost that I had known well and recently. I am constantly afraid to leave the state now or even go a day without seeing my grandma, on the off chance that maybe I would lose someone in my family and I wouldn’t be there. That thought alone kills me inside. I have come to realize that I have many fears, and these fears influence my life in many ways. I used to think about moving abroad for a few years but after being abroad for months, I see how hard it really was going to be and I know that I could never live that for any longer than a month. I am also terrified of what others think of my family, not me but my family. These fears influence my projects also. This project although I didn’t put anything tanglible or experimental together, helped me to see that 1) I have more than one fear 2) I am highly influenced from these fears and 3) that I am and do what I do to accomidate my fears.

* Fear is an uncertainty. Its a reaction to something. The symptoms to me can be described as…. racing heartbeat, screams, some physical jerking of the body, and overall panic. Which kind of sums up finals week.

* I think that I am not going to be alone in my fears. There is bound to be at least one person that sees from my perspective and can relate. I think the reactions will be sympathetic and cautious. Because if any were to respond they would see that (by my face) I am vulnerable.

* I was correct in my assumptions in thinking that the students would sympathetic, however I noticed how quiet and attentive they had also gotten. I had everyone’s full attention. Some I could see nodding. Through some facial expressions I could relate and think “yeah I wouldn’t know what to say to that either.” I just remember them all staring at me.

* The conversation went as expected and was a touchy topic for me.

* Erica had done an acting excersie that was really memorable to me. It made me consider all that is really exposed and or hidden in daily life and what we miss out due to it.

* It made me want to tell the truth about my family. To tell who they are and it made me think that my conversation was not that unusual.

Greatest Contribution

I really want to have my own website that I can display my art and also be able to have streaming videos, however I am still learning to do these things now. My goal is to have my own website along with a portfolio of non-class projects together by next fall. During the upcoming breaks I plan on working hard to get these things started and learn as much as possible to further myself in this time in my life. I want to create a mock-up however when I was taught web, I learned dreamweaver and I learned to use iWeb both I learned at least 2 years ago and I feel have become extremely outdated. I plan on having a drawing of my mock-up thought throuh and drawn in the near future though.

Reflections

  • What is the most important thing in your life?

The most important thing in my life is my family. I yearn most to be an example for my younger relatives to aim for, not saying that I haven’t made any mistakes, but my family is (like most families) kinda messed up. Many relatives of mine have made undesirable and frankly haste and not the best decisions that have effected their lives enormously. I will be the first in my family to graduate from college. I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging about myself or anything but I am proud of my accomplishments no matter how immature and little it may seem to others. All I want is to be able to look at my siblings and family and say “If I can do it, you can do it” or “What do you need?” I want to be in a position in which I can be stable independently and be able to help them.

  • How does discussing that make you feel?

It makes me feel like I am on the right path. Experience is what influences my life most right now. I have a list of things that I would like to do before I finish college and that time is getting closer and I have actually done many of those things so far. I am very proud of myself for doing what I have during this time in my life and opening the spectrum of possibilities for my family and future children.

  • How does it make you feel about your goals when you think about the amount of time you might or might not have in which to achieve them?

The amount of time for my large goal is 2 years and I am perfectly comfortable with that. These past 2 years of college have gone so fast that I am even a litle scared NOT to be in school… But I have done so much and experienced so much in my short 20 years of life that I am enthusiastic to feel like my life really started.

  • What are your thoughts on the idea that you are in charge of how much time you actually have in a given day?

I like the idea that I am in charge of how much time I use and give. I see that I have spent way too much time in my life waiting… I’m the most impatient girl in this world.I am currently working / waiting for enough money to move out and also waiting for my boyfriend to come home from the airforce next year. I really have felt that since I got out of high school my life has been stuck on pause. In a given day I have given myself more time to be me and do what I choose to do. I only wish I was a little more productive on those days.

  • What are the limitations your place on yourself?

I refuse to move out (no matter how much I really REALLY want to) until I am sure that I can afford it. I do this because too many relatives rely on eachother for support (more than an independent person like me would ever care to rely on). Too many times have I known people that moved back home because they couldn’t afford being on their own or got themselves into a position in which they chose to leave. My rule is once I leave I am gone for good, no moving back home. The only reason I should have to move home(after moving out) is because I am physically ill and need someone to take care of me. Another limitation is that I have to finish college in no more than 4 years. I can’t take any breaks (too afraid to not come back and also not necessary) and I can’t take a semester longer.

  • What are the limitations that are imposed on you by outside sources?

My boyfriend wants me to wait until he gets home to move out but truth is if I can afford it before then… he’s out of luck I am moving out! There is a limitation in time that I have given to classes and work… I am not supposed to be out late when living here at home, but I have been able to get past that for school purposes some times. But if it’s not school related I kind of have a curphew. I also don’t have my own room so I have to hide all of my stuff and be sure that I can walk into my room at times. I am limited to a home that at most times doesn’t have food and often times has screaming going on (playful and non). But the home limitations I mostly set on myself for choosing to stay.

  • What can you do about any of this?

The outside limitations are limitations I put on myself and I can at any point choose that I don’t want these limitations anymore and leave. I am my own person and cercumstances given I believe I am doing very well for myself and I look forward to my future and life actually starting.

“Reading” A Book

The embroidered title caught my attention, because it gave me a texture to feel while reading.

I found the sentence “Shadowfax wasn’t as wary.”

I have a hard time seeing a sea in this book, because the breaks are very close together.

The paper is kind of rough. It reminds me of some drawing papers.

The cover is smooth and embroidered. The embroidered parts are textured differently.

I cannot feel the ink of the words because of the texture of the paper.

Different colors do not feel any different.

The paper has some small bumps within the pages.

The cover can also be used as a poster!

The book is stitched and glued.

The book has no cloth.

The book is a Hardback.

The book does not have signatures.

The white piece that combines the pages to the spine seems to have a Styrofoam appearance and possibly texture.

There is no writing in the book other than text.

I feel indifferent about the fact that I could be the first to write in this book. The only way I would feel something from writing in the book, would be if I were writing to someone important to me.

There are no stains.

There are no fingerprints.

The pages are sort of a manila color. The color is warm and dull.

The embroidered designs on the front are textured differently and the book cover can also be used as a poster. The paper also seems like it would be cool paper to work with artistically.

There is no evidence that anyone else handled this book.

The edges of the page are smooth, but not sharp. It feels like it would be harder to paper cut myself with this particular kind of paper.

I imagine they would be thinking “What’s going to happen next?”

I don’t believe that anyone else (unless instructed to do so) would use this book in the same way I am now.

The sound kind of reminds me of a fan that might be very slow and have a piece of paper in it.

I feel a slight breeze, but some of the feeling is light and almost unnoticeable.

I cannot move something with the wind from this book.

The wind power generated from this book is not significant enough to play a game.

There was a loud noise on the floor from dropping this book.

I did sense the vibrations.

I only felt the vibrations on my feet.

The difference was that now I can feel the wind that was created.

The book was not cold from holding it at first.

The temperature did change in the area I held my hands.

I have maybe been aware of this once or twice.

I think I don’t notice it that often because when I read I focus on what I am reading.

I do sometimes notice, because with books that are like this one it was get really warm and almost slippery when held for long periods of time. (I’m a slow reader).

The book smells like a crumpled up newspaper.

The book is titled Hidden.

I think it was named that because this book is going to unravel many secrets.

The experience changed the way I will look at a book. Book can be very interesting. I think that I know that if I find the right book I could have a fan or air powered game. This exercise opened my eyes up to some of the possibilities with books.

The assignments all interlope somewhat if you really think about it. I think the point is to do something unexpected and see what happens. I think this is to expose us to things people don’t normally do or think of on a daily bases. This assignment has shown me to be a little more open with ideas and I can easily use that in future classes and projects.

Don’t Touch My Cookie!!!!

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When trying to come up with a project idea based on the touch or sound of a cookie, I struggled. My mind wandered into what sounds cookies could make, what touches and textures that cookies could have, but all of it left me baffled. I began to think about where on the body a cookie would touch other than the hands. Then of course my mind was thinking of very uncomfortable and unwanted places to place a cookie. I was led to the conclusion of masks and the feeling of a cookie mask, that is seemingly unpleasant also but the least of all places that came to mind. So I am going to try to design a masquarade ball mask with cookie dough and a ring too (have to have my bling right?). Well here goes! 🙂

Recap From Class

Class was very interesting! I loved some of the artwork that was presented. Some of the videos were hilarious and very entertaining. I think class got kind of weird when the lights went out and Beth stopped talking. I could see something moving across the room and at first I thought it was my imagination, but it was a couple other students and Beth. I haven’t been in a haunted house since I was around 10 years old and I refuse to go back. I think my only fear is haunted houses… This occurence had me on the edge of my seat and feeling nervous. And when the lights were back on we got the silent treatment. It was different to say the least and I will remember this class always.

Rules

I died watching this on tv and I thought it was ironic that I was trying to think of what to do for this class. For this assignment I have decided to do what I always do, eat and drink in the class room. The rule technically states that we are not supposed to eat in the classrooms however, students and teachers alike ignore this rule to a certain extent. Since I already break this rule I want to corrupt my class into breaking this rule with me. Sometimes rules are meant to be broken and for cookies and homemade apple pie and milk… I would consider this the perfect occassion.

Recap from Class Today

So in our “memorable” class today we had many interesting things shared. I’m not really sure what to write about. It was definitely an interesting class, but when is a Beth Lykins class ever NOT interesting? I was getting very nervous the closer it got to me for my to talk about my project. I was hot and then cold, I could feel the tears building up but I was able to calm myself. After I started talking however, it became a little harder to overpower my tears and my voice slowly began to betray me. I was able to finish though and even show my art (very hard for me to do) around the room. It was very difficult to talk about and even harder to actually make it. This class gave me alot of memories. I remember most the speach about orphans. That nearly  brought tears to my eyes.

Sam

Do something creative. The most inspirational thing and first thing that came to mind when this was said to me was Samantha Hale. Our goal was to make whatever our creation is memorable and some of the most memorable moments that I have had include Sam. I haven’t been the same since she left my side, but drawing normally helps with closure for me. So for this project that’s what I did. I drew my dearly departed Sam. And although my drawing doesn’t do her beauty justice, this has given me a chance to try to deal. I drew the drawing using charcoal. This was very difficult to do. I plan on giving the drawing to her family. The symbol at the bottom is the Greek symbol for friendship with a little creative addition. We will always be friends Sam and no matter what I’ll miss you and forever wish you were here.